Casting

I wish anxiety was as foreign to me as computer programming or nuclear physics.
Too often we allow anxiety to take a hold of our lives in a way causes us to lose our joy and be destroyed. The root of anxiety is one thing...Pride. Anxiety is often associated with fear. If you think about it this fear is from not trusting God which means you are essentially trusting yourself. See the pride in that. It's sad to think that we put ourselves in the very place that we don't want to be. It is by being humble that our souls are preserved, tranquility is found, and we are able to be patient under trials. Missing the mark on being humble? praise God that today is a new day. anxiety of what the future holds means a lack of trust in God's plans and pride that your plan is better than His. Not only does God " adorn the humble with salvation"(Psalm 149:4) but he also "leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way" (Psalm 25:9). God's way is supreme and in fact that only way, so lets start trusting in it. God is the great physician and he alone can cure us of pride and anxiety.It only BY casting all our anxiety on him that we are healed. How can be be worshiping the Lord fully if our hearts are rooted in pride causing us anxiety? Humble yourself BY casting all your needs and desires on Him. 









Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness. If you will do this, He will provide for you all the things you need in great abundance! If you will do this, He will exalt you at the proper time. If you will do this, all your anxiety will be cast on Him. God wants this for you because He cares deeply for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7 

Happiness is...

Happiness is wearing a fur vest.

Happiness is a new coat of nail polish.

Happiness is the smell of lit candles.

Happiness is an encouraging text message in the middle of the day.

Happiness is snail mail.

Happiness is laughing so hard you can’t breathe.

Happiness is the blank pages of a new journal.

Happiness is an unlikely friendship.

Happiness is 60 degree weather in December.

Happiness is this kitten.

Happiness is hearing your name from someone you didn’t think knew your name.

Happiness is mounds of christmas cookies. 

Happiness is drinking coffee without having to do homework at the same time.

Happiness is feeling the nearness of God.

Happiness is having dinner with your best friend. 

Sometimes it’s just the little things in life.

Your turn.

Happiness is…

athazagoraphobia

I think i have a case of athazagoraphobia... its possible that i don't but time tells me i do. something about not being in school has left me feeling forgotten. I can't stay that i feel replaced just forgotten. As i sit at a cafe i wonder whether or not my professors even will recognize that im an engineering student especially since the normal person would presume me to be a design kid. I also have this strange longing to be in school right now to actually for once work on a problem that was a real solution unlike the crazy problems i have at work. For instance did you know that no one knows exactly what a wax is. Waxes are just some long chain lipids. that's only what the brightest people understand. i used to think that i wasn't cut out for engineering like in the real world i would just fail. found that not to be the case yet at the same time i yearn for something more. something more meaningful then just mass balances and free fatty acid extractions. It scares me to think that college is nearly at a close. a close to 4 years that were suppose to direct me for in mind at least the next 15 years. somehow though im more confused guess i should have been a veterinarian.. 


on another note. this time away from school has really given me time to invest in some people and also enjoy the day to day a little more. all the same im ready for summer and for people to get out of ames and enjoy one last ames summer..probably the last ever. 

Flying is nuts because God is awesome

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

A dirty cup

You are a cup. A cup that can be filled but only if you decide so. The analogy is that a human heart. Our desire to be filled with the water of life. The water that only comes from Christ. So often I feel like an empty dirty cup. Like recently...... The only thing that truly prevents Christ from filling our cup is sin in one of its many forms. Why is revival not here? it's because we live our lives as dirty cups and who wants to be a dirty empty cup? It is our refusal to die to self that makes us miserable. It is self that is envious, irritable, resentful, critical, worried, shy, unyielding, rude, self-conscious, reserved, and fearful. You might question whether being self-conscious, reserved and fearful are sins. Instead, you might believe them to be a part of life, a weakness or disability that even God makes us feel. If we don't regard them as sin then in fact they are something we will live with the rest of our lives with no hope for deliverance which seems contrary to what God wants. We need to ask for healing of these things in order to move on past ourselves and be purified by God. Imagine what our lives would look like if we were completely delivered from these things? These sins contribute to a source of unbelief. They hide our true identities. The identity that we are children of God. Christ doesn't fill cups of self-energy or self-conplacency. He doesn't fill self-seeking, self-indulgenant cups. What is comes down to is that we must learn to keep our cups clean. Cleaning does require anything more that a heart that yielded to God. With this Christ will continue to fill our cup to the point of it running over. And then peace of God will "rule in our hearts" (Colossians 3:15) So we must live our lives in brokenness. By brokenness or rather selflessness our lives can be purified daily and our heart can be clean so that God can truly do marvelous works in us.  I'm a dirty cup with a desire to be clean but as I learn to be broken my color starts to shine through. God teach me to be broken daily so that your glory and power are evident in my life. 

"Just as water ever seeks and fills the lowest place, so that moment God finds you abased and empty His glory and power flow in" -Andrew Murray 

extreme joy

Nothing says extreme joy like a crazy cute asian child and her equally funny camel. But really what brings you joy? I was thinking about this today as I came home from work. Naturally, the best thing during the summer is of course to put on that swimming suit and hit up the local pool. I also find joy in sitting and chatting with close friends, sharing secrets and laughing and crying together. The basics yet the ohh so necessary things.

Although i wish i could say that my life is completely and utterly filled with joy... thus is not the case. Reasons for this of course.. having knee surgery on thursday. getting a stye on my eye because i never change my contacts (ouch). or perhaps just not being able to somehow figure out how one tests shows 86% sugars in bio-oil while another shows 20%. I guess i just need to look on the bright side. It's summer... finally.

Dream and Little Dream with Who?

It seems to me that girls just always set ourselves up for heartache. I blame it on the stories that do seem to work out magically. Hollywood or whatever. Every girl has let themselves feel something for someone that they shouldn't or at least too strongly for someone. We always seem to "dream and little dream" with someone that ideally is a passing phase. This is not rare in the slightest. We accumulate so much baggage from allowing ourselves the pain and yet joy from these relationships or friendships whatever you might call them. The truth is that we can't stop and we won't just because the likelihood of the most perfect man showing up at your door and having an instant connection that leads to marriage is unreasonable to even consider. All the same, i'm convinced the purest love comes from waiting... waiting for the right one. so dream and little dream if you must but think about the repercussions. ok?

mr. door

I wish i could be filling this post with lots of laughs and joyful acclamations but this is not the case. So it seems that yet again i'm not getting that summer job that i had hoped for(so there may still be a little hope left but.. ). that engineering experience to help me move on to the next step in "my plan". i guess God really just wants my future to be a mystery. I wish i liked mysteries...I once thought i did like when i would watch mysteries in history on the history channel or read agatha christie or nancy drew books. I guess when the mystery is your own life things are a little different. I know that the truth is that everything i ever need to know has already been revealed to me through God's word but at the same time i can't help but to feel some anguish. Is is wrong for me to want so badly to see what God's plan for my life is? To have everything well at least the highlights like career, husband, family revealed to me. why does this always happen to me... im at what seems to be the next door and yes it is true that i have been neglecting the beauty of the door all along.. but now NOW i really want to open it. My eyes are set on this door. Thus is the case with my major. I've thought about changing you countless hours even days and yet every time i had looked at it. i was convinced to keep going. my heart convinced me. But now it seems like the door has been locked and i don't own the key. I so desire to open you mr. door. to see what you have to offer me. just give me a chance. if i don't like you i promise to leave. Show me that i can find joy in you and give God glory through you and i will be eternally grateful. Would you God open the door me? it's getting cold outside and i'm getting weary. How long must i ring your bell before you will hear me?

Always..Sometimes..Never

I ALWAYS

+ want to travel

+ intimidate myself

+ will love the rain

+ am up for eating taco bell

+ will use an apple computer

+ pray

+ will be a blonde

+ choose serious over quirky

+wish i could just be a kid again

I SOMETIMES

+ worry i will loose someone dear to me

+ loose my temper..

+ spend way too much money

+ dance when no one is watching

+ secretly wish i was studying design or art not engineering

+ wish i was married now

+really want a tattoo

+wish i could have a mustache for a day

I NEVER

+ like being late.

+ want to be childless

+ want to have regrets

+ want to loose sight of Him

+ want to grow old alone

a page of thoughts on display

I've been lost for what to write for a while now on my blog. i think there is a fine line between writing something easy going and fun and something that still makes you, the reader think about your life retrospectively. I wish everything that i thought could be put into a book, a sort of concordance of my thoughts. it's true that there would be some thoughts that i'm ashamed of or embarrassed of. I think though my thoughts would carry a lot of weight with people. I think people would see a lot of themselves in me. If everyone had a sort of reference of their life perhaps they wouldn't make the same mistakes again.. they wouldn't try to solve their problems in the same ways... they would be less ordinary and more extraordinary. What would your pages be filled with? I think my pages would be filled with dreams...
my pages would be filled with images of whole communities loving each other...families celebrating around the dinner table...children smiling from ear to ear....lives being saved... christ being worshiped in every nation... blonde haired babies ....traveling the world... cotton candy colored ponies... beautiful expressions of art... finally figuring out that engineering problem... couples loving each other unconditionally.. answers to the hard questions of life... These are the things that i think about plus of course many others. I guess what i'm trying to say is our your thoughts worthy? worth your time and energy? are you dwelling on things that are meaningless on the scope of your life? ya i know cotton candy colored ponies shouldn't be at the top of the list but all the same...God gave you a mind... use it for his glory and praise and don't be ashamed of it. Don't be a broken light bulb...

Philippians 4:8 
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Cathedral Made of People

There are few things in life that we desire more than knowing who we are. What is our identity? Our identity is what gives us the guidelines to make choices each and everyday. Whether you are an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between.. my guess is that you have sought outward sources to define who you are. maybe it's your parents that contribute to your identity or your friends or perhaps to you your job defines who you are. maybe it's the good acts that define you or perhaps it is even the unfortunate circumstances that you have experienced in life that in your opinion explain you...I too often forget my true identity or even how i found it. I often try to redefine who i am based on my circumstances.I need to remember... I've found my identity in Christ... what do i mean by this you may ask? I'm a relational being that seeks the most perfect and fulfilling relationship of all... A relationship with God. Genesis 1:27 says that we were made in God's image. So where does the cathedral made of people come in ( catchy title i know)?

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 says " Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?" If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple."

you see the church or the community of believers is the temple of God. We are the house. where God's spirit lives inside and nothing ever can stand against us. This is your identity. you belong to the body of Christ as long as you have put your trust in him. You are part of the most beautiful cathedral. one built only by God. One that is used to showcase God's glory. There is hope in knowing that no matter your present state you are a part of something.. the most wonderful thing. you are part of a cathedral made of people built by God.

Neglecting the things of value

Often times i think im neglecting the true things of value. Today for instance yes i went to church and i also completed the homework that is due tomorrow but beyond that little was done. I feel like im losing it... sometimes i can pass hours like nobody's business doing things of little to no value. Today i should have spent the day preparing for the week ahead. I should have read for my gender studies class.. i should have calculated the much needed specific speed values for my heart-lung pump machine im designing... i should have done my research project on alcohol advertisements... i should have looked over the two labs that i have this week...i should have studied for my viva quiz on wednesday... i should have wrote those professors about undergraduate research... there are so many i should haves...

Instead i just relaxed... i just took a nap.. i just watched some glee... oh well.. there is always tomorrow. Procrastination is becoming my middle name.. let the week of craziness begin. in full force.

"Cast all your cares on the Lord and he will SUSTAIN you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

Fingers Crossed

It seems to be the time of crossing fingers.... crossing fingers in hopes that the best will result from it. today marks the day that i finally built up enough courage to email my professor about possibly doing undergraduate research for him this summer. fingers crossed he lets me. Besides this i have been studying non-stop well kinda, everyone needs the occasional facebook or email check, for my midterm in chemical reactor design. the weird part is i have kinda enjoyed it. This has happened to me in the past but usually when this happens a epic test failure follows. Don't ask me why.. i have no idea. so fingers crossed i ace this exam this saturday. What else are my fingers crossed for? well i just completed the most amazing four year plan of study sheet with all the classes that i have taken and still plan on taking in preparation for registration. Not only can i graduate in four years, well with one online summer class at least, but i can probably still get my biology minor in there as well. The problem is that i need to somehow get this crazy genetics class im taking here in singapore to count as a class back at isu. fingers crossed my minor is approved.. So many reasons to cross the fingers.. thank God that he answers prayers and fingers crossed everyday. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." psalm 37:4

Differential Analysis Anyone?

Tonight i am feeling especially uncomfortable... I could just be the fact that although the sun is nowhere in sight due to the fact that it is nearly 9pm... I still stagnant in my room. It seems as though a haze of heat has encompassed my room although upon walking outside there is a slight breeze. I'm under the impression that this is my dungeon of torture as i sit here and study for a midterm in my chemical reactor class that i have on saturday morning. I don't know what is more disappointing the fact that my exam is on saturday or the fact that i have no idea what i'm doing in the class. the little motivation that i have is only due to the fact that beyond studying there is essentially nothing to do except blog which is what i'm doing right now simply so that i stop getting distracted and get back on task of learning more about the analysis of chemical reaction rate data in terms of differential analysis..O BOY, i can hardly contain my excitement. I've heard that this class is in many ways the pinnacle of my core curriculum. I'm under the impression now that this is entirely untrue. It seems very lame to me that i'm expected to do all this differential analysis when in fact in the real world experimental trials are actually the true basis of design. On a good note, all this talking about this has encouraged me to know that perhaps i do more about what i'm learning then i had otherwise guessed. guess that means that this much needed break is warranted.....so in order to not continue rambling about this class i move on to something much more interesting....
how about i give you a different kind of differential analysis. a differential analysis of my life here in singapore. The term differential refers to a form of change for all you people out there that may be lost or at least never taken calculus before. SO with that being said how has my life changed since deplaning on the red speck according to the world map. Well frankly not much. The monotony of going to class is still the same as it was at iowa state, eating still often feels more like a chore in between studying and going here and there(blame it on the nasty dorm food), iowa state still continues to send me pointless emails( which are even more pointless now seeing as how i'm half way across the world), and a good latte still cost 4 dollars. Some things have change though... like the fact that instead of dreading waking each morning to enter into a wintery mix while heading to the bus stop, i now walk comfortably in shorts and sandals to my class unless of course it was unfortunately raining that day. Beyond that a four dollar latte is all the more enjoyable due to the fact that i can't just casually stroll to the nearest cafe to obtain it like i could on the iowa state campus. Instead a feeling of jubilation occurs when i think about having the time to walk to the nice cafe to drink a cup and study or read my Bible, the latter option being far more enjoyable and often the highlight of the day. The only thing that would make those days all the better would be if my study buddy miss valerie allen or any of my iowa roommates could join me in this act of celebration. Reflecting now. it seems that the amount of change that has occurred is ever so slight. Perhaps each day really is just a repetition of something very similar the day or year before. As i sit here i'm reminded of what is felt like to being living in the dorms in ames on a school night. It really is one of those nights... one of those nights where you wish that your roommate would put down her studying and just chat with you or do something even more adventurous like make a mario cart movie in the hallway or funny faces using photobooth on your macbook. But tonight the idea of this is even comical considering as i walk down a hallway all that can be heard is the beeping noise of the laundry machine, the typing of a girl working on some sort of paper, and beyond that perhaps the fate sounds of music that people listen to as they study for midterms. Occasionally there is a laugh or a scream or even the sound of the band on an evening but in general the dorm and campus is quiet... that is until the library closes.

A unknown path...but an known destination

In my last post, i asked you a question... where are you traveling to? I've been asking myself this question everyday since i entered the realm of adulthood. The day i left my comfortable home on 3800 antelope trail packed in tight in a purple minivan with my parents headed to iowa state university. The events of that day aren't very memorable but that decision has guided me down a path.. i path that i have loved. Just thinking about how i have changed since that very day brings both tears as well as a smile to my face. Too often do i not reflect on the good parts of the past instead my thought linger on the bad.. the most disappointing of days. Today, however i reflect on the path that God has taken me thus far. It was at iowa state that i felt the sense of community and true Godly fellowship for the first time in my life. a fellowship that can only be described as enchanting, exhilarating, and motivating. At iowa state, i found the fire to follow Christ wholeheartedly. God has truly captivated me. I've seen the beauty of a group of people my own age that desires to love God and follow him. like many of them, i'm still learning what is means to let God direct my steps in the choices i make. Everyday i question if i'm making the right choice in my major of study. is chemical engineering really my best fit? perhaps not since frankly i'm not much of fan of math or physics. The true questions is.. is there something that suits me better? If there is that something.. i have yet to feel a pull towards it. So instead i will pursue God while pursuing chemical engineering. I know i desire to honor God in this field and also i desire to help people. For know i lay in wait to see what God is going to do with me with hands wide open. I know my ultimate destination is going to be with my heavenly Father and i guess that is all that matters...

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ" Philippians 3:20

"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."Psalm 48:14

Where are you traveling to?

Having just returned today from a 10 day stay in Vietnam, my mind is stuck on reflection of the trip. As i was flying back to singapore today, i was thinking about the concept of traveling and what it means to my life. I've seen parts of the world that many will not or will even have a privilege to see. First there is ukraine, which will always hold a place in my heart. I often think about ukraine bc of a photo that i have framed in my room. Her name was diriyna and she was the most adorable little girl i think i have ever known. I pray that she along with her two sisters will continue to grow and become more like their heavenly father each and everyday. I've been on many other trips some close and some far. one to haiti after the earthquake where God not only used me as an encouragement but also taught me about how the devil plots against us. i found shelter in the body of Christ. i've seen so many things, so many cultures. Most recent as i mentioned vietnam. Normal people working to live and pass the time.Traveling down a road that is dictated by the amount of money they can make selling whatever they get their hands on. In many respects, traveling just like me. You see i chose to travel down a path of education in hopes of getting a job in hopes of well i'm not really even sure. But what i was really thinking about is whether or not God looks at me and is pleased to see me traveling the direction i am. I don't just mean in a physical sense but in a mental sense. Are my thoughts and actions leading me to the best destination? Am i actually being productive with the time He has given me?I dare you to ask yourself the same question... More tomorrow... 

Wait, stay here and have a drink of time

Wait, before you split yourself in two

There's time for you

If you travel here, you will feel it all

The brightest and the darkest

If you travel here, listen to your heart

And take with you what lasts forever

Sleep, and dream the dream of when you fly

See through traveler's eyes who want to give

To live and give

If you travel here, you will feel it all

The brightest and the darkest

If you travel here, listen to your heart

And take with you what lasts forever

Future of Forestry "Travelers Song" 

SO much to do...

Too much to do now. why does school have to pick up and make me stress out? in less than a week i will be Vietnam with my three traveling buddies. Can't wait but first this week will kill me with a four hour lab tomorrow, a five hour lab on wednesday, class all day thursday, two group meetings, physical therapy, and normal class times, and probably many other things that i haven't even thought about. Ohh not to mention i should probably do some studying seeing as how when i return from vietnam i have a midterm. let the games begin. solution=drink lots of Coffee! Ole!

Love your neighbor

Mother Teresa once said, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." In honor of valentine's day, i challenge you to love someone tomorrow simply because God loves them. 

Maybe the person you need to love most or even the person who needs your love the most is someone you dislike or can only stand for a few minutes. However it may be your love that person needs most. love them for who God created them to be. Love them because we were called to love one another as Christ loved us. love them and see the joy that comes from following one of the greatest commands God ever gave us. Not convinced here's the scripture to back this up...
John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Romans 12:10
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
Romans 12:16
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited."
Romans 15:7
"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."
Ephesians 4:32 
"Be kind and compassionate to one anther forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you."
Ephesians 5:19 
" Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in you heart."
1 Thessalonians 5:11 
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."
1 John 4:12 
"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

Looking through a telescope

The view is nice but it's never complete... it never is when you are looking through a telescope or a window or even your own eyes. do you ever wish that you could see what God sees? The that fact he can see everything, every instant. God has attended every wedding, every funeral, every birth, every death. Actions speak louder than words at times and God had seen everything that you do. I often wish i could see what God sees even for just an instant. I think my whole perspective would change then.

imagination > knowledge ?

"Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.” If your mind can conceive it then believe you can achieve it. Have the tenacity to create the extraordinary."

albert einstein 

what do you think? do you believe this to be true...?

I've often wondered about what God finds more pleasure in when we simply follow his commands or when do something that is good that is out of ordinary for ourselves. When we take bold steps of faith or walk dangerously in the light. Society would say that knowledge is supreme to imagination simply because knowledge makes money or at least teaches you how to not lose your money. I think at the same time we can all agree that imagination is an integrated part of knowledge. I wouldn't be quoting albert einstein if it wasn't. Einstein was one of the worlds greatest minds, a man praised for his knowledge. yet with everything he did a great deal of imagination was involved. With every theory came a thought that by any standard would be considered abstract... 

Without imagination we would essentially be robots...without imagination i think we would not be able to truly believe in something... that is why after much thought i think einstein might have been correct in his evaluation. We are told in the Bible that faith is believing without seeing (Hebrews 11:1). How can someone believe without seeing if they don't use their imagination? it is true that God tells us to meditate on this word and store his word in our hearts but ultimately what good is this if we can never imagine ourselves living out the promises he wrote Bible to tell us about.If you can't imagine God's love will you ever attain it or even understand it?