Wednesday, March 30, 2011

mr. door

I wish i could be filling this post with lots of laughs and joyful acclamations but this is not the case. So it seems that yet again i'm not getting that summer job that i had hoped for(so there may still be a little hope left but.. ). that engineering experience to help me move on to the next step in "my plan". i guess God really just wants my future to be a mystery. I wish i liked mysteries...I once thought i did like when i would watch mysteries in history on the history channel or read agatha christie or nancy drew books. I guess when the mystery is your own life things are a little different. I know that the truth is that everything i ever need to know has already been revealed to me through God's word but at the same time i can't help but to feel some anguish. Is is wrong for me to want so badly to see what God's plan for my life is? To have everything well at least the highlights like career, husband, family revealed to me. why does this always happen to me... im at what seems to be the next door and yes it is true that i have been neglecting the beauty of the door all along.. but now NOW i really want to open it. My eyes are set on this door. Thus is the case with my major. I've thought about changing you countless hours even days and yet every time i had looked at it. i was convinced to keep going. my heart convinced me. But now it seems like the door has been locked and i don't own the key. I so desire to open you mr. door. to see what you have to offer me. just give me a chance. if i don't like you i promise to leave. Show me that i can find joy in you and give God glory through you and i will be eternally grateful. Would you God open the door me? it's getting cold outside and i'm getting weary. How long must i ring your bell before you will hear me?

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